Swinbrook Village

Day before yesterday, I get into the car and drive to Astall Leigh and back. It's an 8 minute round trip.

When I left, there was not a single car to be seen in sight save my other one and Jillian's. That left approximately 80 ft of vacant space in which to park a car without interfering with anybody's life.

Well, I got back 8 minutes later to find an old black BMW 525i parked halfway across my double gates and not another car in sight. I knew it wasn't a friend (I haven't got any). I looked at a badge on its screen and it read "MD Islington". I must have turned white. I ran into the house thinking Mom's called a doctor. Her Oxygen machine has died. She's died. Where did she want her ashes scattered? (you think I'm having you on but, faced with the impossible, the improbable is usually the best bet). (more…)

Today I received the following letter from the Swinbrook and Widford Parish Council, dated 13th July 2006. It reads:

"Dear Mr XXXXXXX (I've witheld my name)

Having received both enquiries and complaints, to avoid further confusion, Swinbrook and Widford Parish Council think it would be entirely appropriate if you were to state on your website that http://village.swinbrook.net is edited by you (perhaps an attributable and accountable name would be useful), and that the observations and views expressed by'the Editor' are entirely personal and in no way should be regarded as an 'Official' website for either the villages of Swinbrook and Widford, nor of their Parish Council.

We look forward to your response on this matter,"

The letter is signed by Mr Bob Woodward, Mrs Malcolm Hudson, Mr Bob Jeffrey and Mr Neil Norridge. Mr Andrew Mitchell approved its content over the telephone.

Owing to the fact that the letter bears no return address, I will respond here: (more…)

Yesterday saw billows of smoke to the North of the village. Four fire engines turned up from Witney and Burford to find a field of Barley alight. Tony Blair, in an unprecedented coalition with our local MP and leader of the Conservative party, the pratt David Cameron, sent in 3 Tornado jets (contrails visible in first picture) to thwart what may have been an Islamic plot to terrorise the McKinnons.

Pictures are courtesy of Malcolm Hudson, cub reporter, who estimates that three quarters of the field was lost to the blaze that may have been ignited by a spark from a Combine Harvester working the field.

Unfortunately, no Nettles were affected which won't, I daresay, please the Parish Council,

Next year, if you should find me in my gumboots, slopping in the stream, looking as if I've lost my Rolex, please remind me of this story.

Yesterday, I'd had enough of watching the scum accumulating on the upside end of the bridge over my stream and the still water that seemed to be going nowhere, donned the gumboots, got hold of Hugh's 15ft long pipe with some kind of blade attached to it, weighing what seemed like a hundredweight, and began excavations under the concrete bridge.

Two hours later, sweating like a pig and taking another baby aspirin to ward off cardiac arrest, with a channel to rival the Panama canal, I gave up and crossed the road to ask Malcolm what the hell I should do. (more…)

Yes it's me again. It could be you but it isn't….

The Swan Pub - Swinbrook 

Firstly, let me declare an interest. Shortly after the pub closed last Summer, I wrote to the Chatsworth Estate office asking to be considered for a tenancy. I received no acknowledgement but was contacted shortly before Christmas by Mrs Susan Robinson acting on behalf of the Dowager Duchess. It was put to me that the Duchess was in favour of a locally run pub with slightly more dedication put in by the tenant than the previous one who ran it into obscurity.

I was kindly shown around the existing premises and told that it was not proposed to implement the extension plans submitted to and approved by the West Oxfordshire District Council Planning Office and that, if I cared to, I should submit a proposal within 3 weeks. I did so, only to find soon after that the works were to go ahead and all bets were off. (more…)